Be Still

You know how it is when it seems God really wants to get a message across to you? You keep hearing the same message in sermons/talks, songs you listen to, or just words playing in your head. The message for me as of late? "Be still and know that I am God." I'm learning to let go (and learning that I haven't really let go all these years in many ways) and entrust my life to Jesus. Its not fitting Him into my life its molding my life to His. I want Him to live my life through me not the other way around. Remember how God gave Abraham the promise of a son at 75! It wasn't till 25 years later that he got his son....after he tried to help God carry out His promise. God doesn't need our help. I'm still trying to figure out, however, what "Be still" means because I don't think it means that we just sit around and do nothing...I think it has to do more with the state of your heart and mind more than anything else. Haven't got it all figured out but I'm learning the importance of letting go and trusting that right now is God's best for me.

sometimes

Sometimes you just have one of those days--call it lack of sleep, high humidity, stress, so on--where you don't feel inspired or hopeful. Everything seems wrong and yet nothing seems wrong either. These are days when you have to walk by faith not by emotion. I've been so blessed being here that often times when I say "I love living here. I'm enjoying being single" I really mean it. But then I have times when I don't exactly feel that way and must walk in faith knowing that I serve a faithful, loving, and powerful God.

This morning on my walk to work, I had to remind myself of that. I often am like the Israelites who would see God deliver them time and time again with His mighty hand and they would praise Him. But then when another challenge would come along, they would forget about this All-Mighty, All-Powerful, All-Loving God! So on my way to work I was trying to avoid this ever-so-common-scenario in my life and think on how God has delivered me in amazing ways. I certainly have plenty of stories, especially in the past two years since I have been living in NYC. The joy, the growth, the protection, the "coincidences", the opportunities, its marvelous. I feel God's pleasure on me...truly. So this is what I have to remind myself of when I have days like this.

One of the verses that I have been clinging to is that God's foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom. I love this because it reminds me how limited my vision and knowledge is and that God knows way more than I do what I truly want and truly need. Praise God that I don't have to carve out my own story.

It gets better

I was telling my dad today that each year in NYC just gets better. The Lord has truly blessed me here and I am so thankful. I just found out today that two good friends from church will be moving down the road from me, Stacey, and Tracy. A little neighborhood community is forming! You expect this sort of thing in college but in NYC as professionals? Not really. I thought back today about how lonely I was my first year in NYC. I didn't have very many friends and was often alone. My church was definitely my family and I felt well loved there but I didn't have many friends there my age who wanted to hang out outside of church, which I needed. I contemplated trying other churches and joining groups from other churches but I felt God saying, wait out, stay there and be faithful. In the last nine months, He has brought at least four individuals to NYC and to Graffiti who will be staying for awhile and are in my stage/age of life. God allows us to experience valleys in our life to teach, mold, and mature us and then brings us into a land of blessing. This season of my life I feel so blessed and thankful for all that the Lord is doing. He is growing a young adults ministry and personally filling my life with greater joy and meaning than I thought possible at times before. How great that God's vision and plans are FAR greater and better than our limited ones.

hosting

I've always known my parents have the gift of hospitality and how it blessed so many people. Since moving to NY I've seen to an even greater degree how valuable that gift is. I hope I can somewhat fulfill their shoes. Last night I was invited I was invited over for dinner from a group of girls from church. I couldn't go but their offer was greatly appreciated and meant a lot to me. Tonight a group of friends from church came over for dinner...last minute. It was a joy making them dinner and giving them a place to hang out for the evening. In NYC you don't get many home cooked meals and homes to relax in. Usually if I meet up with friends, we meet at a restaurant or a coffee shop. in other words, we are spending money. it is such a blessing to open your home and have people be able to relax at your place and eat home cooked food--a little taste of home that we all miss.

Almost a year gone by!

I can't believe the school year is almost done!  It flies by so fast. I remember at the beginning of the year, talking with various teachers telling me that I would make it.  There would be times when I didn't think I would, but I would make it.  And indeed, by God's grace and guidance, I have not only made it but it has been a successful year in many ways (mostly me learning).  

If you were to talk to me, I couldn't help but talk about my job.  I love the students, even though they can drive me crazy at times, and each day is different.  I love the sense of humor of my students.  "Ms. Cogan's a G!"-don't worry, that's a good thing, apparently.  "Ms. Cogan, you make a difference."  "Thanks Brian, you don't get extra credit, though."  I've also gotten a kick out of Day 16 (named after "Making the Band" band, Day 26), which consists of five of my boys that write songs and perform at the end of my class (great classroom management strategy...they can perform at the end of class if the whole class is "good").  The group is five sixteen year old boys with the following nationalities: Greek, Philipino, Dominican, Arminian, and Chinese...now that is New York City at its best.  Can't beat the diversity.

The constant challenge of teaching is learning how to let your personality shine through but practicing "tough love" at the same time.  I have kind of a sarcastic, joking personality that has a hard time yelling at people or even saying things in a stern way (unless you are my family, sorry :))  However, when it comes to teenagers, or any age for that matter, you need to let them know when they have crossed the line and help them see when they are in the wrong before they have crossed the line.  It can drive me crazy how many times I have to repeat myself or talk to the same student over and over about the same thing.  My students see my personality (I often see the looks they give each other saying, "Ms. Cogan is crazy!") which often means cheesy jokes and sassy glances and phrases.

With this, however, I'm learning that even though I want to respond to every one of their comments, I don't always have to have the last word.  There is great wisdom in ignoring...a trick my mom taught me at a young age.  And, I don't have to let them have the last word either..."Shaun, please move to the front of the room."..."But, Ms. Cog..." "Thank you, Shaun."  If I wait for him to TRY to convince me that he shouldn't move, I've wasted class time b/c he is not going to change my mind.  I just don't let them give their argument.  When I say thank you, I look away and immediately start teaching again.  This does not give them the opportunity to try and they know I mean business.

The greatest challenge of all?  A good one to continue to think, meditate, and pray on: How do I reflect Christ to my students, how do I love my students with Christ's love, with my own unique personality and gifts?  This is a great question no matter what profession or stage of life you are in.

The power of GRACE!

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to a discipleship talk by Eric Ludy on my way to work in the morning via my ipod. This particular session was on grace. Some of his words particularly struck me. He talked about how in modern Christianity, we have often boiled down "grace" to mean that Jesus saved us from our sins. This is true...He did save us from our sins but grace is so much more than that. Ludy talks about how the Biblical references to grace deal with the power of God in our lives...the power to change and transform us. God is the God of the impossible doing mighty things in our lives! Modern Christianity often says, "Its ok, man, that you made a mistake. We all sin. We are human." Well, once again, this is true but this is almost a defeatist kind of thinking. God can and will transform us more and more as we reach eternity (sort of like limits in math...you get really close to the value but never quite reach it). This is us as we mature in Christ. We get (or should get) really close to being like Christ but will not quite reach it till heaven. The problem is many of us try to change ourselves and then continue to get frustrated when we don't see change. We must offer it up and daily say, "God, transform me. Do the impossible in me!" If I look back at my life over the last six months even, I can see that God is working and transforming me. I am not who I used to be. And I trust that another six months from now, I will say the same thing.

God's grace is not just Him saving us from our sins but it is also His transforming power in our lives to testify about Him in this broken and fallen world. May you know and experience the power of God in your life--His grace!

Roommates

You know, when you are living away from home, you need good roommates. People that you can depend on, laugh with, talk with, and just share life with. Stacey and Tracy are just that. They are pretty great. We are all different yet get along so well. All three of us are teachers so we have similar schedules, same days off, and lots and lots of stories! If you were to sit in our apartment on a given night, several things could happen (besides the shouts and smells of Fulton street). Stacey often comes home and has a story to tell about one of her sped kids. Tracy comes home with stories of how she has to "whip" her students into shape and show them who is in charge. My kids are older but nonetheless, are teenagers so everyday I am reminded of my highschool years and how in a few years time, things have changed for our youth (can we say, Pokemon?)

My favorite are the days when I come home and Stacey has picked up something sweet for a treat or Tracy decides she is in one of her baking moods. Be on the lookout for Tracy's Bakery coming in the near future. Then there is the countless episodes of "Lost" we have watched and analyzed and analyzed some more together. We've spent many hours working out together and being okay with the fact that we look ridiculous doing squats in our living room!

Being that we are women, we are constantly chatting. There is usually friendly teasing taking place and at times, serious discussions about our past and current issues of life. We listen, offer our bit of wisdom and move on to the next topic at hand.

Weekends we like to explore. We never will exhaust the restaurants to try and there is always a farmers or flea market to explore. We walk quite a bit in this city just exploring.

The list goes on and out of respect for my roommates, I won't reveal everything about them :) but if you are curious, come visit. Many have enjoyed our hospitality. I'm thankful this day (and everyday) for great roommates that I deeply enjoy spending time with and getting to know. A true blessing in a city where it is easy to get lost in the crowd.